Feeling Presidential

Presidents’ Day — a holiday so often misunderstood. Not only do people brutally misplace its apostrophe, but they are misled to believe that it’s an unholy amalgamation of the birthdays of Presidents Lincoln and Washington.

Although it’s often misconstrued as a celebration of two (or many) presidents of our fair country, whose honors are upheld by this illustrious band and its incisive lyrics regarding  a wholesome American fruit…

Presidents of the USA – Peaches (download)

…the holiday is actually just a celebration of our first president’s birthday. Lincoln’s just a tagalong. And everyone knows that lovely, honest G-Diddy Washington had teeth made — not of wood — but of hippopotamus and elephant ivory…

Death Cab for Cutie – Crooked Teeth (download)

But in the spirit of American patriotism, let’s focus our minds on furthering our national cause — namely at the Olympics, where our foes up north, America’s hat, are hosting the Olympics. They’re bitter because we stole the name “America” in common use despite their very legitimate occupation of (North) American soil; we’re bitter because they’re bilingual and we’re jealous. So in the name of friendly rivalry…

Broken Social Scene – Canada vs. America (download)

Happy Presidents’ Day, all. May your day be full of Mt. Rushmore façades and Oval offices. Celebrate the POTUS.

– Ellen